Anyway, I only have pure silliness to post on the community. If anyone stumbles upon any good writing prompts, feel free to post them in an entry!
Today I bring to you:
Sorcerer Travelers – Season 2 – Episode 201
(Happy music plays as it shows Cara walking down a street in Boston)
Cara: My name is Cara and I am a well-trained Omni Sorceress – Someone who can mix and match the four basic elements to cast spells. I could focus on one element, but being able to blend all four is pretty awesome. Besides, my spells are constantly keeping my life totally adventurous!
(Shot of Cara buying an ice cream cone)
Cara: Uh, ignore that roll of film!
(Tears off the video picture and replaces it with flashbacks)
Cara: You see, my life was more or less normal before I started my life as a traveling sorcerer. I joined forces with my best friend, Morgan, who is a flaming fire sorcerer who I swear will one day fall out of the closet completely on fire. Literally. I mean, have you met him?
(Shot of Morgan wearing a Britney Spears costume)
Cara: Anyway, we got ourselves a bad reputation when Morgan blew up downtown Wellesley with a Pokemon toy. Why he turns toys into weapons is completely beyond me. We retreated to a small hotel in Boston – And by small, I mean Morgan spent all of our savings on the most expensive Sheraton – Where we met the peace-loving Monster Melia.
(Shot of Melia making a peace sign with Vash the Stampede sparkling in the background)
Cara: Monsters have always been every human’s numero uno enemy. To find peace-loving ones such as those two was insane. No, really. They were completely insane. Melia at the time was looking for her boyfriend, Vash The Stampede, an iconic anime character that doesn’t actually exist. Turns out that it was just some cosplaying gun swinger named ‘Johnny’ who happened to look like Vash The Stampede.
Melia: BUT HE REALLY IS VASH!!
Cara: Go away, Melia. You’re not part of this.
(Melia turns into a monster and blows up the film reel. There is static for a moment, then goes back to flashbacks of Cara in the forest)
Cara: ANYWAY, ever since Melia asked for our help, our lives have completely insane. We were almost instantly caught up in a war between humans and monsters, just because Melia’s dark sorceress friend had imprisoned Vash. This sorceress – Nina – Apparently was good all along? But then she was still a bitch, so I don’t care.
(Shot of Nina in bondage hitting Vash with a whip)
Cara: Yeahhh… Exactly… Anyway, through this ridiculous adventure where we had NO MONEY – (glares at picture of Morgan) we found a panther who can talk, yet was never explained to me. We also had to deal with this crazy bitch, Sarah, who was hell bent on ruining everyone’s lives, and by ‘everyone’ I mean ‘Me.’ Then my ex-boyfriend turned out to be a monster in disguise and was running the whole ‘take-over-the-world’ shindig, because he couldn’t get into bed with me. I don’t even know. We knew a lot of weird people.
(Shots of the center of Natick practically blowing up)
Cara: ANYWAY, with the help of our friends and my insane sister, Margarita, we stopped my ex-boyfriend’s plan to take over the world and we didn’t even get any credit it for it. In fact, my own sister pretends that she did all of the work. She also forgets my name sometimes.
(Chibis of the group are shown skipping down a yellow brick road)
Cara: And here we are – Two years later – Continuing on with our adventures, earning money and learning from master sorcerers all over the world. Melia and Johnny, er, VASH bought a little house out in Arizona where they could continue to pretend they were really from Trigun. Nina left to hunt for a new job because the whole dark sorceress gig wasn’t working out for her. Margarita found some new boy to obsess over and nearly forgot that I existed, except for when she calls me to tell me that I’m doing everything wrong. Morgan’s sister, Skyy, still works in the market building and selling charms and is learning under a professional master. That leaves Morgan and myself – And his bizarre-ass talking panther, Nighstar – who had recently returned to Massachusetts to visit family. And that’s where our latest adventure begins…
Episode 201 – Cara Mary, The Demon Sorceress?!
(Cara is in her old bedroom, looking out the window, remembering when her life used to be easy. She closes stares at a flickering candle to meditate. Suddenly, the door swings open and Margarita runs in, knocking everything over. She eventually stops in front of Cara, knocking the candle out the window)
Cara: What the hell, Margarita?! I was trying to meditate!
Margarita: Oh, sorry! (leaves, knocks on the door, then runs in knocking everything else over) CARA!
Margarita: Well, fine! Be like that! (storms out of the room)
(Cara runs out into the hallway after Margarita)
Cara: No, seriously, Margarita. What do you want? You’re not supposed to even BE here!
Margarita: I came here to give you a copy of my new book to proofread!
Cara: …You can write?
Margarita: Yes! And it’s in French!
Margarita: Because I like French Fries!
Cara: Uh, Margarita, you realize that French Fries aren’t actually from France, right?
Margarita: (horrified) Really?!
Cara: Yeah, that’s why they’re really called ‘American Fries.’
Margarita: But what about the ones from Burger King?
Cara: Why does it matter?
Margarita: Because those ones are really good!
Cara: Look, are you going to let me see the book, or am I going to have to blast it out of you?
Margarita: HERE! (throws it at Cara, catching on fire)
Cara: WHAAAAAAAAT?! (gets hit in the face. The book lands on the floor) Well, at least the book’s on fire.
(Suddenly, the whole hallway catches on fire)
Cara: Shit! Shit! Rain! Rain! Rain! Rain! (casts small water spells everywhere) Dammit, where’s Morgan when you need him?!
(Shot to Morgan sitting at his parents table alone, smiling with a fork and knife in hand)
Morgan: I’m ready to eat, Logan! (runs to the other side of the table, throwing on a Wolverine costume) Good, because I cooked a HUGE DEER, bub! (regular clothes) BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CANTALOUPE?! (Wolverine costume) I’ve got huge balls elsewhere to eat. (regular clothes) WOW!
Skyy: (walks in) Morgan, what are you doing…?
Morgan: UM. (quickly runs out the back door, falling down the steps)
Nighstar: (walks in holding a stick in his mouth) Shicabob?
Skyy: You can cook?!
(Back in the Mary household, Cara is casting a shitload of small rain spells as Margarita stomps around crying)
Margarita: My life’s work!!
Cara: It was printed! (puts out the last fire)
Cara: That means you saved the document onto a computer somewhere.
Margarita: OH YEAH!
Mrs. Mary: Girls, are you fighting?
Cara: Uh… Yes, we are…
Margarita: STOP LYING! YOU’RE ALWAYS TRYING TO FRAME ME BECAUSE YOU WON’T LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY! WELL, I’M GOING TO GO SEE MY BOYFRIEND TO PROVE TO HIM THAT I AM A BETTER SORCERESS THAN YOU! (stomps down the stairs and out the front door. She slams it eight times for heightened effect. Her car horn honks several times obnoxiously before she leaves)
Mrs. Mary: I wish you girls wouldn’t fight like that.
Cara: But I wasn’t even instigating that! In fact, I wasn’t even SAYING anything!
Mrs. Mary: (shakes head) I just wish you two would get along.
Cara: Aren’t you understanding what I’m saying? I. CAN’T. She won’t listen to me!
Mrs. Mary: If only you would open up to her more…
Cara: (suddenly huge and angry) I CAAAAAN’T!
Mrs. Mary: Why are you yelling?!
Cara: (throws hands up) This is so aggravating, Mom! I’ve really got to leave and meet Morgan.
Mrs. Mary: Well, not without packing the bare essentials!
Mrs. Mary: Yes! (suddenly starts piling a bunch of crap into Cara’s arms) Toothpaste, toothbrush, floss, brush, three different kinds of soaps with different uses, a sweater, non-perishable items, soup, a sleeping bag, boots, sandals, reading glasses –
Cara: But I don’t even wear glasses!
Mrs. Mary: AND YOUR UNDERWEEEEAAAAR! (throws a ton of underwear into Cara’s arms)
Mrs. Mary: Oh, whoops! These are too big! They must be Margarita’s!!
(Margarita’s car drives down the street again, honking obnoxiously)
Cara: (suddenly huge and scary) MOM, YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!
(Shot to Cara at a restaurant with a ton of food in front of her)
Cara: (holding a chicken drumstick) Oh well! All of this food will make me feel better! (looks down at her hand and her drumstick is gone) What the –
(Morgan is now holding the drumstick and is going to take a bite)
Cara: What the – MORGAN?! (hits him over the head with a chair)
Morgan: (screams) WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Cara: Where did you even COME FROM?! This is MY FOOD!
Morgan: Skyy caught me pretending to be an X-Men and I had to make a quick escape!
Morgan: Never mind. Let’s eat. (signaling waiter) WAIIIITER! I want to order to of everything and just charge it to her card!
Cara: WHAT?! (smashes chair over his head again)
Morgan: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Cara: USE YOUR OWN CARD!!
Morgan: But I left it in my Kakashi costume pocket!
Nighstar: Oh, here we go…
Cara: Well, maybe if you hadn’t been wearing a million stupid costumes all the time, you wouldn’t have lost your card!
Morgan: Those costumes are my pride and joy!!
Cara: But what about sorcery?!
Morgan: OH YEAH! Rainwater! (fills empty glass with water and makes a peace sign)
Nighstar: Will you two stop making a scene?!
Morgan: Like a movie scene?
Morgan: But if it’s a movie scene, you’d be a star – A NIGHSTAR!!
Nighstar: (head is suddenly huge) WILL STOP BLABBERING AND LISTEN TO ME?!
Customer: (shrieks and points) A TALKING PANTHER!
Cara: (slides to the side) I’m not with him! All of this food is his! (quickly stuffs some bread into her bag)
Customer: You must be with him! You two are dressed as sorcerers!
Morgan: (suddenly dressed as Zelgadis) NO!
Cara: (holding hands up innocently) You have to excuse him. Morgan can be a real idiot sometimes.
Customer: Wait… Morgan as in Morgan Grovail? The flaming water sorcerer?
Morgan: (in his regular clothing) Now wait a second, I’m a water sorcerer. There’s no fire involved.
Nighstar: That’s no what he means, Morgan.
Cara: Well, he got the flaming part right.
Customer: (suddenly looking terrified) That must make you Cara Mary – The terrible omni sorcerer who single handedly destroys cities! The beastly dragon in the form of a petite woman! The terror that doesn’t flap in the night! The girl who’s so hot headed that she’ll kill anyone on sight!
Cara: (vein popping) NOW WAIT A SECOND! Where do you get off saying ANY of those things about me?!
Customer: So you really are Cara Mary?!
Cara: WELL WHY THE HELL ELSE WOULD I BE MAD THAT YOU’RE INSULTING ME?!
(The customer blinks a few times. Suddenly, the whole restaurant screams and every customer goes racing out of it – Including the staff!)
Cara: What the hell just happened?!
Morgan: Maybe you’re just ugly.
Cara: Thanks for being a complete asshole, Morgan.
Morgan: You’re welcome!
Cara: FIREBALL! (send a fireball in Morgan’s direction)
Morgan: WATER BUBBLE! (creates a water shield which absorbs the attack)
Nighstar: You know, neither of you are helping your case.
Morgan: Hey, watch this! (uses the whole bubble to bounce off the walls of the room, breaking all of the tables and photos)
Manager: (storms in) WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!
Morgan: IT WAS HER. CARA MARY! (points at Cara)
Cara: BASTARD! FLARE ARROW! (pierces Morgan’s stupid bubble and he explodes into the bar)
Manager: Cara Mary? The same girl who destroyed my restaurant two years ago?
Cara: Huh? (thinks back to two years ago when they were last in Wellesley. Visions of Morgan blowing up a giant demon with a tiny Charmander bomb comes to mind) THAT WASN’T ME! THAT WAS MY IDIOT PARTNER!
Morgan: Yeah, but not in the sexual way.
Cara: Thanks for that, Morgan.
Manager: Partners in crime maybe! I’m calling the Special Sorcery Guild!
Cara: Look, we can pay for the damages!
Manager: Yeah right! Besides, you’re wanted bounties!
Cara: Wait… WHAT?!
(The manager points to the wall where there is a clipping that says ‘WANTED’ with Cara and Morgan’s face plastered to it, by the Special Sorcery Guild)
Cara: Our names! Someone’s slandered our names and framed us!
Morgan: My face! They took that picture at the wrong angle!
Nighstar: I don’t look like that at all! (nudges the child like drawing of a cat between them)
Manager: Save it for the SSG!
Cara: JUST RUN!!
(The three of them book it out of the restaurant and down the street. They run into an alleyway as they see some special sorcery cars go by)
Mary: What the hell is this?! We didn’t even DO anything!
Nighstar: Well, you DID destroy that man’s restaurant… again.
Mary: That was nothing! Besides, it doesn’t merit us being chased by the special sorcery Guild!
Nighstar: (sighs) You two never understand what you’ve done wrong. Well, we should probably get off ground level and see what’s going on.
Mary: Right. LEVITATION!
(The three of them fly to the roof of the building they are next to. Morgan crawls across the roof in a Solid Snake costume and peers over the edge with a pair of binoculars)
Cara: Can you see anything?
Morgan: Yeah. (flipping through one of those toy binoculars) I see a rinosaurus, Mr. Potato Head, a cow, Spot the Dog… Oh wait, maybe that’s Wishbone.
Morgan: That’s ‘Solid Snake’ to you!
(Cara slaps Morgan’s head so hard that he drops the binoculars over the edge of the room, landing on an agent below)
Agent: Ow! What was that?
Morgan: (in his regular clothes, screaming at the top of his lungs) IT WASN’T ME!!
Agent: They’re on the roof! Go, go!
Cara: Oh, good job!
Cara: That was sarcasm, asshole!
Nighstar: I hate to cut in on this intelligent conversation, but we have a pressing matter on our hands. Perhaps we should find a way off of this roof?
Cara: You think I don’t have that already covered?! LEVITATION!! (flies up in the air)
Nighstar: I don’t think that’s a very good –
(Suddenly, a helicopter flies up in front the building)
Cara: WHAT THE HELL?!
Voice: Hault! By the order of the SSA, you are coming with us!!
Cara: Oh yeah?! FIRE –
(Nighstar leaps up and bites her leg)
Cara: OW! What the hell, Nighstar?!
Nighstar: MMphh mmph mmmPHHH MMPPPPHHHH!!
Morgan: He said ‘MMphh mmph mmmPHHH MMPPPPHHHH!!’
Cara: I got that much! Thanks, Morgan!
Morgan: Anytime! (turns to helicopter) Now to deal with this guy!
Nighstar: NO! (falls to the ground, flat on his face)
Morgan: POKEBALL, GO!! (throws a Pokeball that looks like a Voltorb at the helicopter. It explodes on impact, sending the helicopter whirling away) Hey, Nighstar… Why are you on the floor?
Nighstar: …You’re an idiot.
Cara: Well, looks like this would be a great time to beat a hasty retreat! (flies away)
Morgan: Right! LEVITATION!! (flies away after Cara)
Nighstar: Oh dear. (floats after the two sorcerers)
(Half an hour, deep in the wooded area of Broadmoor, the three sit around on some rocks)
Cara: This sucks! We’re being hunted by the SSA for allegedly no reason and I didn’t even blow up a town this time!!
Nighstar: The correct thing you should be thinking about is WHY the SSA has warranted for you capture.
Morgan: Yeah. They don’t go for small folk like us.
Nighstar: To be fair, Morgan, after we saved the country from a monster take over two years ago, we’ve become far more than ‘small folk.’
Cara: If that’s the case, wouldn’t they be interested in tracking down Melia, Vash and Nina as well?
Morgan: Don’t forget about Margarita.
Cara: I pretend that she was never involved with any of that.
Morgan: But technically, she saved the world.
Cara: Last time I checked, pressing a series of buttons to destroy a monster base and doing it successfully was pure luck on her part. She could have killed us all!!
Morgan: (laughs) Yeaaaaahhhh…
Cara: HOW IS THAT FUNNY?!
Nighstar: Well, we can’t stay here for much longer. I have no doubt that they are scoping out the surrounding areas. It’s only a matter of time before they find us. We don’t want to be captured by them.
Morgan: Why? They’re just sorcerers, right?
Cara: Just sorcerers?! JUST SORCERERS?! They practically treat everyone as if they are monsters!
Morgan: So they like… build big bases any stuff?
Cara: NO! Don’t you know anything?
Morgan: Sure! I know about Pokemon, X-Men, Resident Evil, Zelda –
Cara: Ugh! Look – (close up of her eyes seriously) The SSA is a special guild called in when magick problems are out of the local authorities hands. They capture their subjects and basically torture them. Some people have even spoken rumors of experimentation on their victims, crossing them with monsters. They even keep monsters locked away in their basements, trying to hypnotize them!
Nighstar: So they are basically trying to create gollums.
Cara: Something like that, yeah.
Morgan: Well, maybe we can go stay at my family’s house. I’m sure Skyy could hide us for a while.
Cara: (shaking head) No way. That’s probably one of the first places that they’re going to check, let alone my house. Margarita is probably giving away my very location right now.
(Cut to Cara’s house. A SSA agent is talking with Margarita on the porch)
Agent: Do you have any information that could prove your sister’s innoncence?
Margarita: NO! She’s a menace to society who steals all of my shampoo!!
(Cut back to the woods)
Morgan: At least you can take confidence in the fact that she’s probably sticking up for you.
Cara: I don’t know about that…
Morgan: Hey, at least if we stop by my house, we can always stock up on food before we take off!
Cara: (eyes huge and lighting up) FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?!
(Suddenly, there is a rustling in the nearby bush. Cara leaps to her feet, holding a dagger in front of her. Nighstar takes a defensive position while snarling. Morgan pulls out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on. Just then, a tall man with red hair and variety of gadgets attached to his belt steps forward. He has a broadsword tucked behind him and goggles strapped to his forehead)
Cara: Don’t come any closer or else I’ll fireball your ass!
Man: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt, but are you the legendary sorceress, Cara Mary?
Cara: Uh… NOPE! This is her! (pushes Morgan forward)
Morgan: CARA! I’m Morgan, you know that! (points to Nighstar for no reason) And this is Nighstar!!
Cara: (smacking her forehead) Ugh… You are SUCH an idiot!
Man: Well, it looks like I found the correct group.
Cara: Well, that’s good for you. And what’s your name again?
Man: Excuse me, as I have not properly introduced myself. (bows) I am Captain Encoke, owner of the Kamikaze Airship.
Cara: Oh, so you’re one of those new-age pirates, aren’t you?
Captain: (nods) That is correct, although I prefer the term ‘New-Age Viking.’
Morgan: PIRATE?! (bouncing around) But I don’t see any eye patches or parrots!
Cara: That’s because in this day and age, they are a completely different breed of pirate. They fly in mechanical airships and rely on other electronics to do their pirating. They’re often hired out as bounty hunters. Of course, it’s hard to tell because they don’t dress like they’re from the right time period what-so-ever.
Captain: Our line of fashion is based upon when the world once had class, thank you. Do you know how hard it is to find a Victorian coat?
Morgan: It’s hard to find a good coat anyway. They generally get destroyed in the cross-fire, so I always have to realize that I will one day part with it.
Cara: Yeah, I don’t care about what coat I have. I just put one on and go with it.
Nighstar: Uh, excuse me, but why are we socializing with the enemy about coats?!
Captain: Ah, so the talking panther finally speaks!
Cara: And how exactly do you know so much about us?
Captain: Well, you see I’ve been hired by the SSA to ensure your capture.
Cara: And you probably expect us to come peacefully, don’t you?
Captain: That would be the general idea, yes.
Cara: Well, I hate to destroy your hopes and dreams, but we’re not going down without a fight!
Morgan: (dressed as Wolverine with cigar) That’s right, bub! When you try to cage the beast, the beast gets ANGRY!! (starts choking on cigar)
Nighstar: (looking away) Idiot.
Captain: Well, that’s disappointing because I really didn’t want to have to fight any of you.
Cara: Some pirate YOU are! This will be a synch! FIREBALL!! (throws fireball in the direction of the Captain)
Captain: (diving behind a tree) Well, I guess I’ll be a menacing pirate if I have to be one. (takes a few small pellets off his belt and throws them around the tree)
Cara: Oh wow. Some pills. I’m soooo scared!
(The pills enlarge and smoke start to come out of them)
Cara: What the hell! I can’t see!
Nighstar: Use your magick senses – Your third eye!
Cara: BUT THAT’S SO HARD!
(The Captain starts creeping up behind Cara in the fog, a small device in his hand)
Morgan: Cara, behind you!!
Cara: …What? (dives out of the way)
Captain: What the hell?! How could you see me?!
Morgan: These sunglasses I designed can see through any type of environmental setting! Pretty nifty, huh!
Cara: And here I thought you put on those sunglasses out of sheer stupidity…
Morgan: Nope! Don’t you have more faith in me than that?
Cara: Not really.
Morgan: Well, I guess that’s your problem then. (turns to the Captain) Now, what to do about this mist? Ah! I know! EVAPORATION! (clears the mist out of the woods) There we go!
Captain: Well, what do you know. The idiot does have some brains to him.
Cara: Yeah, he does come in handy sometimes.
Morgan: Don’t mess with a water sorcerer! TEE-HEE! (makes a peace sign)
Captain: I can see how the two of you could have unleashed monsters across the country. You’re quite the skilled sorcerers!
Cara: Is THAT what we’re framed for, because that’s SO not what even HAPPENED!!
Captain: It’s all right. You don’t need to lie to me. I understand that sometimes it’s hard to be understood as powerful sorcerers. In fact, people can become power-hungry succubi, much like my ex-girlfriend…
Cara: Oh dear lord. Not another person who’s talking about imaginary significant others. Can it NOT be a cosplayer this time?
Captain: This was no cosplayer. This was a fellow pirate who just used all of my money and did terrible things that I could never speak of, so just trust me when I say that she was a harpi.
Cara: Look, I don’t care about your stupid girlfriend problems. I’m not your damn therapist!
Morgan: (in Harley Quinn outfit) I AM, MISTAH CAPTAIN!!
Cara: SHUT UP, MORGAN!! (throws the shell of the smoke bomb at his head)
(Morgan quickly turns into his regular clothing and then gets smacked over by the spherical object)
Nighstar: Is this really happening…?
Captain: Ah, the legendary panther of water. Even if I manage to capture these two, you will be quite the problem. It’s hard to take out mythological creatures.
Nighstar: That’s right, and since there is only one of you, I can’t imagine that you would be able to succeed in your mission.
Captain: That would be correct. Except, wind overpowers water, does it not?
Cara: What does it matter? It’s not like you’re a wind sorcerer. Pirates have no concept of sorcery. You people barely even believe in the astral plane.
Captain: That’s because the astral plane is pure silliness. I do however have this. (pulls out a giant white crystal)
(Cara and Nighstar’s eyes grow wide as the flail uncontrollably)
Morgan: Uh… What’s the issue here?
Cara: That’s crystallized wind magick! If he manages to break that open, it will release a disastrous tornado!!
Nighstar: Fortunately, he must be a sorcerer of some kind to do that.
Morgan: Wow, that’s kind of cool.
Captain: If you want to. (hands Morgan the crystal) You know, if you open it up there’s chocolate on the inside.
Morgan: ALL RIGHT, CHOCOLATE!
Nighstar & Cara: (anime styled pan across them) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Morgan: REVELATION! (breaks the wind crystal open)
(Suddenly, a tornado breaks loose and picks up Nighstar, sending him flying away. It continues to wreck the woods)
Morgan: Hey! There’s no chocolate in here!! Unless… IT’S IN THE CRYSTAL PIECES! (tries chewing some) OW!!
Cara: MORGAN! THERE’S A FUCKING TORNADO WHIPPING AROUND THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND YOU JUST SINGLE HANDEDLY WIPED OUT YOUR OWN GUARDIAN!!
Morgan: Oh shit! Did he want some of the chocolate…?
Captain: And with him gone, it will make your capture that much easier!! (rolls forward for no reason and points a gadget on his wrist at Cara)
Cara: …Why did you just roll at me?
Captain: I thought it looked cool. (shoots a dart out of his wrist gadget at Cara)
Cara: SHIELD! (puts up shield and watches as sleeping gas is released out of a dart) You can’t take us down that easily! Right, Morgan?
(Morgan falls on the ground, asleep)
Captain: I guess one of the most powerful water sorcerers in the world is capable of running a monster base but not fighting a new-age Viking.
Cara: Oh my god, you’re NOT a Viking.
Captain: My lineage disagrees with you.
Cara: Why are you still TALKING?! EXPLOSION!! (explodes the ground in front of her)
(The Captain leaps up into a nearby tree and attaches himself with blades that came out his wrist bands)
Captain: You certainly are hot-headed, aren’t you? I suppose this will call for more drastic measures! (drops a bunch of spherical objects on the ground)
Cara: Oh here we go with your damn smoke bombs again! Don’t you know that I can also perform that spell? I’m an omni sorceress after all. Duh.
(Suddenly, the balls turn into a bunch of mechanical spiders)
Captain: GET HER, MY MINIONS!
Cara: Minions…? (looks down and screams in sheer horror) LEVITATION! (flies away)
Captain: Oh no! You’re not getting away that easy!! (throws Morgan over his shoulder and proceeds to run through the forest)
(On the edge of the forest, Cara lands in the parking lot. She looks around at the happy family’s walking around with picnic baskets)
Cara: Okay. I’ve got to keep myself undercover by keeping this situation contained.
(Suddenly, the mechanical spiders come pouring out of the woods and through the picnics. Family’s start screaming and running around in circles)
Cara: Great. The situation is the opposite of contained. (she hears rustling from in the woods) SHIELD!
(A gunshot sounds as a bullet gets stuck in Cara’s shield and then falls to the ground. The Captain appears with Morgan)
Cara: Great shot, but not stealthy enough.
Captain: I missed on purpose.
Cara: What the hell are you talking about? If I hadn’t thrown up a shield, that would have made direct contact with my arm!
Captain: Well, I couldn’t shoot you above the shoulders because I couldn’t ruin that pretty face of yours.
Cara: …What?! Okay, we met literally TEN MINUTES ago and you’re already hitting on me?! I know I’m hot and all, but that’s CREEPY!!
Captain: I’m just stating the truth.
Cara: Oh, how nice of you! FIREBALL! (shoots a fireball at the Captain, who dodges it by rolling out of the way. It instead hits Morgan)
Morgan: (wakes up, screaming in pain) CARA! YOU FIREBALLED ME AGAIN!!
Cara: (rubbing the back of her head) Whoops! Guess I didn’t see you there!!
Captain: You two monster ring leaders are becoming quite the nuisance.
Cara: OH MY GOD! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WE DIDN’T TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH MONSTERS?!
Captain: Oh, stop with your silly lies!
Morgan: But she’s telling the truth… I think.
Cara: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘I THINK?!’ YOU WERE THERE!!
Morgan: Yeah… Theoretically.
Cara: You just don’t shut up, do you?!
Captain: HELLO! I was talking first!!
Morgan: But you were taking all of Cara’s attention!
Captain: Well, she’s pretty!
Morgan: BUT SHE’S MY PARTNER!!
Cara: Can you two PLEASE fight over the spotlight later?! I thought we were having a battle!
Random Bystander: (pointing and screaming) IT’S CARA MARY! THAT WANTED SORCERESS WHO TRIED DESTROYING THE WORLD WITH MONSTERS!!
Cara: (head suddenly huge, vein popping) I NEVER DID THAT!!
(Suddenly, a huge beam of ice is shot down toward the Captain. He dives out of the way as a large icicle jets up from the ground. Nighstar lands next to Morgan)
Nighstar: Did you miss me?
Morgan: Wait, you were gone?!
Nighstar: Some best friend YOU are!!
(Suddenly, the ground begins to shake. The icicle shatters apart as a giant mole monster with talon nails pops out of the ground)
Mole: WHO DARE DISTURB MY SLUMBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Cara: Oh my god! Why is this all HAPPENING?! And who are YOU supposed to be?!
Mole: I’M HOLY MOLEY!
Morgan: Haha! I get it! (thinks hard) Wait, maybe I don’t… (thinks hard again) HAHA YEAH I DO! Wait…
Cara: Morgan – SHUT UP!!
Holy Moley: Wait… Morgan Grovail?! THE Morgan Grovail?!
Morgan: If you’re referencing the Pokemon trainer who was under Mewtwo’s spell, that wasn’t me. OR WAS IT?!
Cara: Morgan… WHAT are you TALKING about?!
Holy Moley: What does it matter?! If that’s Morgan, that must make you bitch Cara!
Cara: Oh no. You caught me.
Holy Moley: You destroyed my home!
Nighstar: Actually, that was me.
Holy Moley: I don’t care! I’m going to blame it on her anyway!
Cara: Well pick a number and get in line. There’s apparently a WHOLE LIST of people who apparently hate me right now.
Captain: Like me. She’s mine first!!
Holy Moley: No, she’s mine!!
Morgan: NO, I GET TO FIGHT HER FIRST!!
Nighstar: Morgan, why are you saying anything…?
Morgan: Hey, everyone else was doing it.
Cara: Okay, FIRST OF ALL I’m nobody’s!! Second of all, I’m going to blow ALL OF YOU UP!!
Morgan: (with a mustache on for no reason) OH NO!!
Nighstar: Morgan, take that off.
Captain: Not if I can help it! Cara, you are now in the hands of the SSA for assisting the monster race!
Holy Moley: Assist the monster race?! HA! If it wasn’t for that bitch, there’d be more of us monsters left, but SHE ruined our plans by blowing up our headquarters to take over the world!
Captain: Wait, but that doesn’t match the story I have at all.
Cara: That’s what I’ve been telling you this ENTIRE TIME!!
Morgan: Yeah, listen. (pulls out an old school Mr. Spell-It as it replays Cara’s quote from earlier)
Mr. Spell-It: Is THAT what we’re framed for, because that’s SO not what even HAPPENED!!
Morgan: Okay, now let’s see… (starts pushing some buttons)
Mr. Spell-It: I. S. T.H.A.T. W. H. A. T. W. E. R. R. E. THAT IS INCCORECT!
Morgan: Dammit! I hate this game!! (kicks the Mr. Spell-It in the woods, which lands next to a rabbit)
Mr. Spell-It: SPELL ‘OUCH.’
(The Rabbit kicks Mr. Spell-It)
Mr. Spell-It: THAT IS INCORRECT.
Captain: Everyone time out. I’m really confused. I need a make a call the SSA communications unit.
Cara: What?! You can’t time out mid-battle!
Captain: Just… Everyone hold on a second!! (walks across the parking lot and into the middle of the road to make a phone call)
Cara: What… What is he DOING?!
Morgan: My shoe’s untied.
Nighstar: You’re wearing buckled boots with zippers.
Morgan: My imaginary shoe.
Nighstar: Do us all a favor and keep your mouth shut.
Holy Moly: So… Does this mean I get to tear off your face then?
Cara: No, I don’t think so.
Holy Moly: Oh. Well. This is pretty awkward. (taps talons against the ice) Are you going to go see that new Wolverine movie?
Morgan: We’re buying advance tickets to see the midnight showing.
Cara: Well, we WERE but now we have to deal with the SSA.
Morgan: Yeah, hopefully we’ll have it cleared up by May 1st.
Captain: (returns) This is weird. The SSA unit just screamed at me to mind my own business.
Cara: That’s because they’re framing us!!
Captain: I don’t know about all of this.
Cara: WHY WON’T ANYONE BELIEVE US?!
(Suddenly four vans drive into the parking lot. They open up and a bunch of SSA members come pouring out. They surround the group)
Agents: We have you surrounded.
Holy Moley: GOTTA GO! (burrows underground)
Cara: Great. We’re trapped.
Morgan: It’s okay, Cara. At least we can die together.
Cara: (snorts) Like that makes me feel better.
Morgan: We can have tea with Nighstar!
Nighstar: You can ALREADY do that!
Morgan: Oh right. Well, most people don’t have their Gods following them around.
Agent: (chaining up Cara) We’ve got quite the plans of torture for you, little girl.
Cara: (turning to the Captain) …Help?
(The Captain stands there watching them chain the two of them up)
Morgan: When you try to cage the beast…
(The Captain ignores Morgan, then looks over to Nighstar who is being shoved into an animal crate)
Nighstar: That’s quite enough of this! Do you know how degrading this all is?!
(The Captain looks back over to Cara. When the agents aren’t looking, he points his gun at Cara’s chains and shoots off the lock. The chains fall apart and the agents fall down)
Cara: About time you came to your senses! EXPLOSION!!
(The nearby agents blow away. This also blows off the chains hold Morgan)
Morgan: For once, I’m HAPPY that you blew me up!! MELTDOWN!! (the giant icicle unfreezes and suddenly floods the area, knocking all of the agents off their feet) LEVITATION! (flies up in the air with Cara)
(The Captain uses a hook shot to attach himself to a van and flips onto the hood)
Captain: Quickly! Into my van!
Cara: What?! You have a VAN?! After all of this time where I thought you had an airship?!
Captain: Just get inside! You too, Morgan!
Morgan: Well, I have to roll the dice first to determine my next move.
Captain: Oh, okay.
Cara: NO?! JUST GET IN THE FUCKING VAN!!
Nighstar: Can somebody please release me from this degrading cage?
Morgan: Oh right. (unlocks it as Nighstar floats out) GO, TEAM NIGHSTAR! (puts arm out, forming half an ‘N’)
Cara: GET IN THE VAN!!
(Morgan and Nighstar fly into the van)
Cara: Okay, so this better be a boat or something because we can’t just drive out of here.
Captain: Will you just trust me?!
Cara: Uh… NO?! You just tried to wound and capture us!
Captain: Look, I wasn’t going to kill you! Just… think of it like a Pokemon battle where I had to weaken you first! Besides, I didn’t know all of the facts!
Cara: BUT I KEPT TELLING THEM TO YOU!
Captain: But I had direct orders not to!
Cara: Look! Can this van float or not?!
Captain: Oh, it can do more than just that. Do you really think I’m just some measly knock-off pirate?
Cara & Nighstar: YES?!
Captain: (looking solemn) I’m hurt…
Cara: JUST START THE FUCKING VAN!!
Captain: Fine. (turns on ignition) Please fasten all seatbelts when riding in the Kamikaze!
Cara: (rolls eyes) Oh this ought to be good…
Captain: PREPARE FOR AIRSHIP TRANSFORMATION!!
(Suddenly, the van completely re-arranges it’s physical existence and transforms into a giant pirate airship. The group are just now sitting in the small cockpit of the ship)
Cara: …HOLY SHIT!
Captain: Up, up… and away! (starts to fly up into the air)
Cara: Did you really have to say that?
Captain: I usually don’t have passengers, so I don’t get to use this microphone. (talking back into the microphone) This is Captain Encoke speaking. We are now in take-off! Prepare for some turbulence!
(The airship flies up in the air as the SSA agents down below start shooting magick spells up into the air)
Cara: They’re going to damage the ship!
Captain: Not with my quick piloting they’re not! Can either of you operate a cannon?
Morgan: I grew up playing video games, I bet I could.
Cara: Yeah, and I play first person shooters.
Captain: All right, if you two go down the hallway and up the stairs, you will come to another hallway, each leading to a different cannon.
Morgan: Got it! I can be a Thief and you can be Samus Aran!!
Cara: Just go!!
Captain: Nighstar, if you take the bridge outside, you can use your magick to shoot downward.
Nighstar: Got it. (runs off)
(About two minutes later, Cara comes in on the small speaker)
Cara: I’m here! Is Morgan in place?
Captain: I haven’t heard from him. Nighstar is already freezing some of our oppononents though. Just aim downward. We can’t wait for Morgan!
Cara: What button operates the cannon?
Captain: The X button shoots and the Y button changes the type of ammo. The directional pad will control the cannon.
Cara: WHY IS THIS A SUPER NINTENDO CONTROL?!
Captain: No time for questions! Just shoot!
(Blasts shoot down below at the SSA members. After a few minutes, they are far too high in the sky to see the ground below. As they travel the clouds, the Captain slows down the ship. Cara comes running into the cockpit)
Cara: We did it!
Captain: (putting the ship into autopilot) Hooray!
(Cara leaps into the Captain’s arms and he spins her around. When she lands, they stare at each other for a brief moment)
Nighstar: (walking in) OH! A-hem. This is awkward.
Cara: (quickly breaking apart) It’s not what you think, Nighstar. I’m not that pervert owner of yours, Morgan.
Morgan: Speaking of which! HERE I AM!
Cara: Morgan… Where WERE you that whole time?!
Morgan: Sorry. I got lost.
Cara: We were IN THE SAME HALLWAY! There was only one other door – To the other cannon!!
Morgan: Dude, you’re never gonna believe, but I totally found this door that led to this snowy world where Emma Frost had taken over and I had met the X-Men and talking wolves!
Nighstar: You really do have quite the imagination.
Cara: So, where to, Captain?
Captain: Well, when we’re out of the area, I need to find a secure place to land and transform the airship back into the van. Then we can travel in a more stealthy manner.
Cara: Great! Well, when while we’re waiting, what’s for lunch?
Cara: Yeah! Every ship has to have it’s own cook! And we ARE your crewmates now!
Captain: Yeah, but…
Cara: So, what is it? Roast beef? Steak? Corn? Salad?
Morgan: Pork Chops? Burgers? Hot Dogs? Shiacabob?1
Captain: But –
Cara: Oh, I get it! You’re going to surprise us!!
(Morgan and Cara do a happy dance in the background)
Captain: …What have I gotten myself into?
Nighstar: Don’t worry about it. You’ll get used to it.
AND THAT CONCLUDES EPISODE ONE OF SEASON 2!
Where will they find a cook for the ship? What does the SSA want from Cara, Morgan and Nighstar? Who framed the three sorcerers? Will Captain Encoke be able to handle their rampant insanity? And does this mean they’re all pirates now?
STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE 2!!!!
For anyone who is unfamiliar with work, I tend to write mini-series in a very linear script format. It's usually just for pure silliness and to see how many ideas I can bang out in story form in a short period of time. I also enjoy writing silly conversation pieces that usually can only be found in cartoons.
This is actually the second season of Sorcerer Travelers. The first season was written in my early High School years. The premise of this series was set up to be a very generic anime featuring friends and family members as a series of different sorcerers set in modern time. The scripting is supposed to be terrible on purpose, as to emulate poorly dubbed anime and insane plot points (Those crazy Japanese folk!!). The first season featured Cara (Maddy) and Morgan (Ryan) as the two lead sorcerers with the company of Nighstar (A talking magical panther), Melia (Mel Devane) and Vash The Stampede (But really just a cosplayer called 'Johnny'). Other people were featured in the series as well as miscellaneous characters. With the recent revival of Slayers (And our cosplay group for Anime Boston), I've decided to write a season 2 for Sorcerer Travelers. I intend on writing in characters for Haldan, Jackie and Jim to replace the previous season's line-up of allies. I will also make room for everyone else to have appearances as well. For the record, each character is supposed to have a name that is some sort variation of an alcoholic beverage.
Hope people enjoy!!
Until later (tips hat) Good day.